Man, I am so busy right now. J-Term classes are a you-know-what five letter word. And on top of that, i've got 21 high schoolers that I must provide music and training for. Even my "break" wasn't much of a break, I was busy even then. Every second of my day is planned and taken up by something.
By virtue, I haven't had time for Jesus in my life. You'd think a seminary student would have it all together, prayer and scripture readings, and faith like a rock, but it just ain't like that. Satan it seems likes to pick on me even more now that I'm working for his enemy.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't have it all together, and I'm sorry. Not to those reading, but to the Lord. But, even in this, I can't say I'll have it together in the future. I can't say I'll have it together tomorrow, or even in a couple hours later tonight. But for now, in this moment, Father, I repent, and I accept your gracious gift of forgiveness. I don't know how it works or why it works, but I accept it and I accept you. Change me.
Derek Webb expresses most poetically God's love for me, a sinner in this song:
"Wedding Dress"
If you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
should that be all i'll ever need
or is there more i'm looking for
and should i read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
to make me handsome, rich, and wise
is that really what you want
i am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
i'm a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you
so could you love this bastard child
though i don't trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
i am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers less wild
that i would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood
am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
i'm a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you
because money cannot buy
a husband's jealous eye
when you have knowingly deceived his wife
Indeed, I'm a whore, but you are my wedding dress. What a gift.
